Written while shivering by Paul Gowder. Mostly derived from experiences from 8 years in Iowa, and slowly being updated to cover Chicago as well.

Surviving Winter

I’m from Los Angeles. When I first moved to the Midwest back in 2012, I was laughably unprepared for the cold. Don’t be like me. (And don’t let fall fool you, when the temperature does go south, it’ll go south hard and fast.)

How cold does it get? It’ll be below freezing pretty much continuously for several months in the winter. And there are many days when it gets significantly below 0(F).

The coldest recent winter was the winter of 2013-4. That year, temperatures landed in the -20 range. (Yes, this is still Fahrenheit.) Even when it warmed up a little, temperatures were routinely colder than places like Moscow and Anchorage.

But it gets worse: these are temperatures before wind chill. It’s very windy around here. In case you’re not familiar with the concept (I wasn’t when I got here), windchill is (speaking a little bit loosely, physics people don’t laugh at me) a measure of the rate at which you lose heat, taking into account the temperature reported by the (lying) weather app on your phone and the windspeed, and then normalized to a kind of made-up “feels like” number, but where that number apparently matters for things like losing bits of your body to frostbite (that would be bad), and possibly also dying of hypothermia. And also just how bloody horrible it is to be outdoors. During the “polar vortex” winter, windchill got down to the -50 range.

Just go look at recent examples from the National Weather Service. Click the image to see the traumatizing numbers.

Weather Forecasts are Nonsense

The weather forecasts tend to be hilariously inaccurate at anything further than ten minutes into the future. You cannot expect the forecast from yesterday (or even from the morning) to accurately predict either temperature or snowfall for the coming day. Always carry adequately warm clothing (see below), as well as gear for whatever temperature-appropriate kind of precipitation could happen that day (snow, rain, freezing rain, etc.).

Weather Alerts are Idiotic. Subscribe to One Anyway

You need to subscribe to a weather alert service that sends text messages or push notifications or the like when, e.g., a blizzard or a patch of sub-sub-sub freezing wind is rolling in. This is a consequence of the previous point, re: forecasting being totally inaccurate. Dangerous storms can just randomly show up with no prior notice, and if you don’t get the text message or whatever you may, e.g., go a long way away from home and then get stranded or worse.

I used to subscribe to the weather alerts offered by “Accuweather”, but then I realized that their unsubscribe page doesn’t work, so I couldn’t get off it when I moved from Iowa City to Chicago, and ended up having to block their numbers and e-mails. Now I just use the Carrot Weather app’s push notifications, and also pay their ridiculous subscription prices in order to have maximum weather data and customizable notifications and weather maps on my watch (!!) and all the rest. I also get the City of Chicago’s alerts, which include weather along with things like street closures.

These weather alerts will be infuriating. They send exactly the same alert for “hey, it’s going to be a little bit foggy this morning, but it’ll burn off by 6:45” and “the streets are covered with twelve feet of snow, nineteen people were struck by lightning in the time it took to type this weather alert, all nonessential services are shut down, sinkholes are opening on the sidewalk, and starving baby deer have turned carnivorous and have all the elementary schools under siege.” Apparently their parents never read them the story of the boy who cried wolf.

Also, the volume of alerts is totally unbearable. For example, the City of Chicago apparently feels the need to tell me every day that I should leave my water trickling to avoid a frozen pipe. I guess that they think that I’ll forget overnight. Nonetheless, the alerts are also a good way to learn about impending sky-assassination attempts, so read them anyway.

Traveling is Hard

Do not expect plans to be reliable. Travel out of town may become impossible on short notice: the roads may be impassible, and the airports may be non-functional. Leave lots of extra time in all travel plans of any kind. I just plan to lose a whole day on both ends of any air travel plans to account for flight delays and cancellations. (Rule of thumb: United is always delayed, Delta is always overbooked, American is about half one and half the other. And everything goes wrong in the winter on every airline.)

This is especially going to be a problem if you live in a small city, like most college towns. When I was in Iowa City, I got stranded constantly, because everything goes through a connection, there are basically no direct flights anywhere except to a handful of major hubs: mostly O’Hare for points east and Denver for points west, though you can also get Detroit, Minneapolis, Dallas/Forth-Worth, and Charlotte. That’s probably true for most small airports in the Midwest.

If you are flying, and you get stranded at O’Hare, the airport Hilton is very expensive ($200+/night) and fills up fast, but it has the distinct advantage of actually being physically attached to the airport, so you won’t have to go outdoors or wait for some shuttle to get you there for your rebooked flight (which is invariably at 6 in the morning). Call them to make a reservation the moment your flight plans get screwed up, while you’re in line to rebook. If you’d like to save money, you can often find very good deals at airport hotels within quick shuttle range on hotwire.com. Hoteltonight is also good, but act fast: it’s not uncommon during big Midwest weather airport strandings to be in the middle of booking a hotel on hoteltonight and have it sell out as you’re typing in your credit card number.

Walking: Don’t Break Your Neck or Get Hit by a Car

Sidewalks may, depending on how good your city is at clearing them, be covered with ice for months on end. It’s very hard to walk on them, and you’ll need to walk very slowly. If you fall (and you will), try to land directly on your rear-end, rather than catching yourself with your hands (and possibly breaking wrists), back-flopping, etc. Products like Yaktrax that go on the bottom of your shoes to supply extra traction can help.

Winter can also seriously impair your visibility. If you wear glasses, expect them to fog up with the condensation. Hoods undermine your peripheral vision. Combine this with slippery sidewalks, drivers who don’t stop for pedestrians, and slick roads that make braking difficult (see below, driving), and crossing the street can be very dangerous. Leave lots of time to walk anywhere, and don’t expect drivers to be either willing or able to stop for you.

Housing: Winter Screws That Up Too

Heating bills will be very high. Plan for, depending on the size of your house, up to a couple hundred dollars a month for heating. You can reduce these bills by attending to insulation in your home. One thing that I do is cover the windows with plastic, using a product like this.

You need to make sure you know whether you or your landlord is responsible for snow removal. Even if your landlord takes responsibility for this, landlords may not be terribly prompt, so you may still want to invest in a good sturdy shovel in order to establish access to your home (especially driveways) before the landlord gets around to it. Also, you’ll want to invest in some kind of salt or a more pet-safe equivalent to melt ice. I use this stuff.

Relatedly, midwestern cities tend to require that some private person remove the snow from the sidewalks abutting where you live. And no, they don’t care whether or not someone is elderly, has a disability that makes it difficult, etc. etc. They at least threaten to fine people who don’t comply, sometimes by ridiculous hours—for example, snow that falls overnight before 7am apparently has to be removed by 10am in Chicago. This seems to me to be a really idiotic policy, given that people have lives and are perfectly capable of paying taxes to have this public good publicly supplied the same way as other sidewalk maintenance, but, sadly, I am not the dictator. (City of Chicago to residents, apparently: “Do you have a job, or kids in school, or any other morning obligations whatsoever? Fuck you!” On the other hand, if you hate your neighbor, it could be amusing to call and narc on them at 10:01 every snow morning.) This is a great reason to rent, or buy in a condo, where the building pays people to take care of this crap.

Stay Sane

Psychological well-being is also important; being trapped indoors in the cold and dark all the time can get incredibly depressing. A Minnesotan friend: “Walk outside every day no matter how cold it is. Supplement with Vitamin D. Plan a sunny vacation if you can. Consider a light box.” I do not endorse the “walk outside” part.

Clothing

Here are some principles to guide your choice of clothing. Warning: while I recommend specific products here, the winter clothing industry isn’t immune from the pathologies of the rest of the fashion industry, or of capitalism more generally. Products get discontinued all the time, or randomly changed; it’s almost impossible to identify something that one found in the store on a company’s website (and half the time the store product line and the website product line are different). Almost like they want to confuse people into buying things that don’t meet their needs the first time and then having to buy a second thing later, huh? So, buyer beware.

I mention a lot of brands in the below, but here is my list of generally reliable companies:

• L.L. Bean for everything
• North Face and Rab for gloves
• Overland for gloves and hats
• Novica for sweaters, but be careful about fabric content
• Uniqlo (“Heattech”) for long underwear

Wear Layers

The temperature can vary widely in a day, and it will also vary widely between indoors and outdoors. Imagine walking into a building heated to 60 from outdoors at -10: you’ll be covered with sweat in an instant if you’re wearing outdoors-appropriate clothing and you can’t shed them quickly.

It can be helpful to keep an extra bag to conveniently carry winter clothing while indoors.

Natural Fabrics (Mostly) Beat Artificial Fabrics

Evolution has had a really long time to devise solutions for extreme temperatures. The only artificial fabrics I’ll wear in the winter are outer layers with gore-tex/nylon-ish shells (and other waterproof fabrics), long underwear with some small percentage of spandex, and occasionally a layer of polyester fleece.

Wool is your friend. Alpaca is really your friend (though it can be a bit itchy, it’s incredibly warm). Down is your very best friend. Fur is your friend, though it can be expensive and animal rights types won’t be happy.¹

Cotton is not your friend. If it gets wet, cotton becomes very, very bad at holding in heat. It actually draws heat away from your body.

Getting wet includes getting wet from sweat. This is why layers are so important. It’s easy to overdo the warm weather gear, be unable to gradually reduce it, start to sweat, and then to make yourself colder in the long run.

Merino wool is a little bit softer and a little bit more expensive than ordinary sheep/lambswool. Cashmere is much softer and much more expensive, but you can sometimes get a bargain, especially at consignment stores in big cities. Alpaca is cheaper and warmer than cashmere, almost as soft, but, as I said, a bit itchy sometimes.

If you really have a lot of money, the warmest wool of all is supposed to be qiviut, which comes from the belly fur of an Alaskan musk ox or some other such ridiculous thing. It’s extraordinarily expensive. As an experiment, I dropped 300 bucks on a qiviut nachaq (basically a babushka hood) from these people who seem legit. It is pretty warm and extremely soft, but I don’t wear it often because it’s very delicate, and when you have a $300 head-wrap that will probably be combined with hats or hoods and hence damaged, it feels a little too precious to actually use. So, maybe don’t bother unless you’re rich?

Many manufacturers put acrylic in cheap knitwear. Do not buy this garbage. Some people have wool allergies. If that’s you, poly fleece is still better than acrylic for most things. Acrylic is horrible.

The other main problem with woolen-type things is static electricity. I can’t help you there, I’ve never managed to figure out how to not shock myself whenever I do something simple like touch the fridge. Polyester and Wool/Alpaca seem to be about equally bad. I’ve also never taken a physics class, which doesn’t help. Engineers, some help here?

Jackets

This is the most important piece. You need a heavy down-lined jacket with a hood. These are expensive, but worth every penny.

L.L. Bean jackets are a pretty good option, they tend to make very warm coats for a reasonable price. I’ve owned two at various points, the first, which seems to not currently be on sale except in inferior versions, is the Windstopper, stuffed with 700-fill goose down. The second, which is still on sale, is the Baxter State Parka (there’s a women’s version too). These are both $250-$300 jackets, and worth every penny (although the fake fur on the Baxter State Parka is pretty horrible, and I prefer the windstopper). Spend the money, seriously.

Also, a jacket like this will not be your only layer.

If you’re willing to spend the extra money, Canada Goose jackets are also supposed to be excellent, but their prices tend to climb up to the $1000 range. There are essentially no deals on Canada Goose; if you see some random website claiming to be an outlet and offering Canada Goose at like half price, it’s almost certainly counterfeit.

Also, Canada Goose is famously overpriced and fashionable these days. Last winter, I decided to upgrade to an even-warmer jacket with real fur and such, so I went to the Canada Goose store in Boston. They had—I kid you not—a velvet rope outside the door and forced people to wait in line to go inside (the store wasn’t at capacity, and this was pre-COVID; they were just being pretentious). Needless to say, I said “hell no” and went to Woolrich instead. It turns out that was actually a really good idea, and I ended up snagging a just-as-good-as-Canada-Goose jacket for a little bit cheaper—basically this Woolrich jacket but in Gore-Tex. (Honestly, that can be my only layer down to about 20 degrees or even a little lower. It’s a really warm jacket.)

I’m not terribly convinced by companies like North Face (except for gloves—see below—I’ve always had good luck with North Face gloves), Patagonia, etc., but your mileage may vary. For light second layers/outer layers when it’s only moderately cold (high 20’s, low 30’s), the very thin/light down jackets (sometimes called “down sweaters”) from these companies are expensive but nice. I have and quite like a Mountain Hardwear “ghost whisperer” jacket along those lines. (Don’t get the hooded version, though. I have one of those too, which seems like a good idea, except there’s no drawstring to keep the hood tight. So a slight breeze will just blow it down. Totally damn pointless.)

A wise geology friend and walking commuter adds that if you get a “technical” coat (“Technical” is, as far as I can tell, Expensive Jacket Company-ese for “plastic.” Think, the kinds of things hikers wear to keep off the rain.), and you walk a lot, get one with “pit zips” (little zippers under the armpits to let air out). You can wear one of those as your outer layer for snow/wind/rain and such, with one of those down sweater things on the inside for heat retention, and the pit zip will allow you to regulate the heat and minimize sweatyness.

Shearling is also a good material for jacket linings. That’s what they’ve used in places like Russia for a long time.

I recently acquired a jacket from another Canadian company called Moose Knuckles. It’s very warm but also very expensive, also just an amazing name. Honestly not quite as good as the Woolrich one though.

Sweaters

Here is where the wool and fleece come in (not in your jacket please, it won’t be nearly warm enough). Personally, I love alpaca. Novica (a fair trade wing of National Geographic) sells a ton of alpaca products from some lovely Peruvian folks. I own this sweater and it gets near-daily use during the winter. Watch out for the alpaca “blends” on Novica, which tend to be blended with the horror that is acrylic.

I mostly only use polyester fleece for going to the gym, because it’s a bit more durable and much cheaper than the good stuff.

Scarves

These are also [sheep] wool or alpaca. Novica has lots of scarves too, but so do many other places that are probably cheaper. There’s also something called a “neck warmer” (a.k.a. “neck gaiter”) which allegedly is warmer and cheaper than a scarf and can be pulled over mouth and nose. I’ve never used one, but this comes from Canadian Friend, who understands such things, and provides this example. (Although maybe not quite that one, because, acrylic. You know how Your Advisor feels about acrylic.)

Long Underwear

A.K.A. undershirts, leggings, “longjohns.” You should get some. They’re very cheap on the internet and at places like Target. (Iowa city people: they’re also outrageously expensive at Active Endeavors on the ped mall. Everything is outrageously expensive at Active Endeavors: don’t go there unless you’re rich. Fin and Feather, an outdoor store down on Highway 6, also seems to have a lot of stuff, but is much cheaper than Active Endeavors.) You should also invest in some thick wool socks.

I’ve had pretty good luck with “Heattech” from Uniqlo. It’s cheap (and often on sale) but seems effective.

Watch out for cheap long underwear because it might be “thermal cotton.” See above for why cotton is a terrible idea. Look for polyester or silk.

A Canadian friend adds: “Women: opaque tights are warmer than trousers or jeans. Nylon stockings are useless.”

There’s long underwear for your top half and long underwear for your bottom half. They have different purposes. For the bottom half, the purpose is to actually keep you warm. This is especially the case for people sized/shaped in the ways typically gendered as male, as it’s basically impossible to find a jacket in men’s sizes that extends down to your legs. Jeans are insufficient to keep your legs warm in winter temperatures; dress pants are even worse. You need long underwear. (Possible exception: for only moderately-freezing winter temperatures, L.L. Bean flannel-lined jeans are pretty decent.)

For your top half, if you have a decent jacket and a sweater, you won’t need long underwear to keep warm. But you will still need it, especially if you’re actually moving outdoors. The reason is that sufficient clothing to keep you from freezing to death when you stand still will also make you sweat like a warthog on cocaine the moment you move, and then you’ll end up with your clothes soaked. (Native midwesterners claim that there’s some magical formula of clothing that will prevent this. They are lying.) For example, I have a 25-minute walk from home to the office; there is no clothing that will keep me at a livable temperature for the start of the walk that will not make me feel like I’m in a sauna by the end. Hence, you buy a long-sleeved undershirt that advertises “moisture wicking.” Somehow, by some bizarre science, this sort of thing, which sounds like advertising bullshit, more or less actually works (or at least the “Heattech” ones I buy seem to work.) to keep you semi-dry. This is especially important if you’re wearing a dress shirt and you don’t want to look like a mess at your destination (cough cough lawyers).

Midwestern Girlfriend adds: “Cuddle duds are good long underwear that can be acquired at Costco.”

Gloves

Here is a big utility/warmth tradeoff. Mittens (gloves with one big compartment for all your fingers, as opposed to individual fingers) tend to be much warmer, basically because the heat your fingers emit goes to one another rather than nowhere (also surface area is lower). However, it’s nearly impossible to actually use your hands in mittens.

In particular, do not try to use your phone with gloves, even if you have alleged “touchscreen gloves.” First, touchscreen gloves don’t work (except Hestra, see below). Worse, gloves compromise your grip a lot more than you’ll think. I’ve personally had two iPhones slip out of my hands onto concrete that way. (Iowa city people: your closest Apple Store is in Des Moines, a two-hour drive away. I speak from experience here: you do not want to drive two hours in winter to get a several-hundred-dollar screen replacement because you tried to look at your texts with gloves on.)

I do have a pair of north face gloves similar to these which are fine for weather in the 30’s and sometimes work for very light touchscreen usage, like one tap, but I wouldn’t push it any further.

Typically I carry both medium-weight leather gloves lined with cashmere for ordinary days, and shearling-lined mittens for really cold days. A company called Overland has a great supply of both gloves and mittens, and I tend to order everything from there. It’s a little expensive, but they have lots of sales. These are my usual mittens. And these are my usual (light) gloves (not appropriate for spending more than a couple minutes outside in winter temperatures, mostly used to get from the parking lot to a building/while driving). (Overland is one of my favorite winter stuff companies. They have a retail store in Chicago.)

One very good compromise between hand warmth and being able to actually use one’s hands are heavy duty Rab gloves. A pair of the heaviest-duty Rab gloves I could find in the store has become my day-to-day winter glove except on the coldest days. They seem to market for mountain climbers, which is a pretty good proxy for needing to be able to use your hands but also needing to keep your fingers. But as usual, all the marketing bullshit makes it impossible to compare gloves online and tell which is warmest, so you should probably find an outdoors store and test them out if you want to follow my example here.

Hestra gloves are fantastic. I bought these on sale and they’re the only gloves whose touchscreen function has ever actually worked.

I also typically keep some cheap-o fabric gloves in every jacket pocket, the car, my bag, etc., because it can be really unpleasant to be caught without a spare pair. Also, the cheap-o gloves can be worn under mittens so that you can very quickly take a mitten off, do something with the hand, and then quickly get the mitten back on without losing any fingers to frostbite.

North Face also has some good ski gloves made of some kind of space polyester, which are a bit warmer than day-to-day gloves, but slightly more compatible with actually using your hands than mittens.

Hats

Your basic options here are polyester fleece, wool, and fur. I have all three, but strongly prefer fur: it’s the warmest and most comfortable. Overland has lots of them. I have this hat and a hat similar to this one. Earflaps are a must. I typically wear these hats under the hood of my Windstopper jacket.

Boots

My current boots are these: L.L. Bean boots with Vibram’s “arctic grip” soles—which seem to more or less sorta kinda work for keeping me from slipping on ice mostly.

I also own these boots, which are a bit taller and hence better for big piles of snow, and they’re OK. Not amazing (the laces get stiff and salty and annoying), but I can stomp through a snow drift in them and not get my feet soaked so there’s that.

Finally, I own a pair of really ugly low-top slip-on shoes with those Vibram soles for when there is ice but not piles of snow on the ground, and it isn’t too horribly cold. These things are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever owned, but they seem to help a little bit with traction. Or maybe I’m imagining it.

Generally, wool-lined is good. Wear them with thick wool socks and your feet will be toasty as all get out. For women, the Joan of Arctic Boot comes recommended, with some caveats about possible durability issues.

A member of the Cold-Weather People Editorial Board which I have decreed to exist and which is comprised of the various friends cited in here also suggests Keen Targhee II Mid boots, at least for snow under 6 inches (more comes over the top)

Ski Masks and Ski Goggles

People make fun of me for wearing these, but I like to keep my lips, my nose and my eyeballs. Do what you want. For the purpose of internet searches, a ski mask is also called a “balaclava.” I also have a weird combination ski mask/hat thing that I found in a random store in Chicago but is magical, and if I knew what it was called I would totally tell you to buy one, but I don’t, so you’ll just have to ask me to show you on a cold day.

Ski Pants, Snow Pants, etc.

Basically anything with “ski” in the name or “snow” in the name is nice. I have a gigantic pair of snow overall pants that I wear on the worst days. They’re ugly as hell, but they’re also super warm and super waterproof (and super cheap). With those and good solid boots, I can literally walk straight through a snowbank and not notice. And have actually done so.

Some More Brand Names from a Friend

I’ve had some other people look at this guide, and they have offered suggestions. Here’s one set of clothing recommendations:

Frankly, L.L. Bean all the things (lifetime guarantee)!! Spanx makes really great tights that are much warmer than pants. Columbia (they have great outlet stores, too) has coats, tech shirts, gloves, headbands (girls, protect your ears!!!) with this special lining that is silver and retains heat - I call it my microwave gear because it’s that good. Barbour coats and vests are fabulous - I have a warmer coat that is water resistant (not water proof but I don’t live in Portland anymore!), quilted cavalry coat, and quilted cavalry vest. North Face mid-weight ski pants save my life because they’re form fitting and very flattering. Arcteryx and Fjallraven make awesome and reliable gear, too. Dale of Norway sweaters are a good investment. Prana makes reliable, warm, comfy yoga-inspired stuff and is flattering. I’m vegan, also allergic to wool (pre-vegan), and have struggled at times to stay perfectly true when buying winter gear. Admittedly, I have a down parka that I’ll keep for all of time and a few items with leather. Wool substitutes are fairly easy to find, thankfully.

(Editorial note/dissent: I’m pretty skeptical of Barbour, which seem to be mostly made for yuppies to wear on the decks of their yachts and are crazy expensive. Also, I think Dale of Norway is a bit overrated and also you’re really buying the brand name there.)

In summation: investing a little more money up front for long-lasting gear is totally worth it. Good deals can be found online: 6pm, Sierra Trading Post, Backcountry, REI Outlet, eBay, LLBean - get coupon codes and promos. Add the Honey extension to your Chrome browser, as a total aside!

Driving

Driving is extremely dangerous in winter. (But god help you if you try and walk long distances. And if you bicycle, can I please have your MP3 collection when you’re gone?) If you’ve never driven on snow or ice before, think about the maximum terrified-driver level of care you can imagine, and then double it.

Let’s put it this way: the first time I drove in snow, I hit a tree within five minutes.

You can very easily skid and lose control when you brake, accelerate, or turn. Do all of those things very, very, very gradually. Leave tons of extra stopping distance.

You should definitely not change speeds and turn at the same time. Slow down, THEN turn, THEN speed up again. Or else you’ll instantly fly out of control.

Winter tires may be useful, if you can find a storage solution. (The law where you are might not allow them, or might only allow them in specific months of the year, so you should look into that.)

There’s a thing called “black ice.” That’s cold-place-ese for “ice you can’t see.” It’s real. So when driving, even if a patch of road looks clear of ice, you could suddenly lose traction. Be aware.

If you do skid, there is a lot of contradictory advice floating around out there, so I’m not going to try to give recommendations.

Please don’t try to use a rear wheel drive car.

People drive like idiots in parts of the Midwest, especially, for some reason, Iowa. When it’s dry and sunny, they drive about 20 mph slower than they ought; when it’s raining or snowing they drive about 20mph faster than they ought. That’s why you’ll see countless cars in the ditch on every freeway in Iowa in the winter. Don’t let that be you. Just let the testosterone-mad pickup truck morons pass.

Sometimes the NWS throws up its hands and says “dunno, it’s a mess, just don’t drive.”

Maintenance issues: battery, tires, fuel

Car batteries and winter do not mix. I speak from painful recent experience with this, as I just replaced a brand new battery that was less than a year old but which died completely from the combination of moving to the city (and hence driving less often and shorter distances) + winter. There’s nothing less fun than trudging for half an hour on the cusp of a polar vortex back and forth between home and the auto shop on short notice. (In most cases, FYI, a battery should cost around $200, give or take.)

Engine block heaters are supposed to help with this, but not everyone has a setup that can accommodate such a thing. Probably the best advice is just to drive pretty often to keep the car charged—ideally every few days take the car out. Like dogs, cars need to go for walkies. Longer drives are better than shorter drives for charging.

This Chicago tribune (actually some semi-crooked-seeming affiliated syndication agency) article has an even more depressing battery take than me. They claim that you have to get the car up to freeway speeds, and to do it as much as once or twice a day when the temperature is around zero—and the cold might still kill your battery. So basically, if you live in the midwest, I guess budget for buying a new car battery every year?

Also, advice like “drive every day” is fundamentally bullshit in an environment that also has frequent blizards and/or -25 days. Seriously? Drive every day, and go to freeway speeds, when there’s a blizard on? Why not just openly say that the choice is between your car dying or you dying in a car accident? Maybe that’s why everyone in Iowa drives like a homicidal maniac in the winter: they’re just following the Chicago Tribune’s stupid advice to not have to buy a new battery every week.

Also: fuel lines can freeze; keep the tank about half full at all times in the winter.

Tire pressure goes down in the winter. Check it when it gets cold, and add more air.

Don’t Get Stranded and Freeze to Death in Your Car

If you can, get roadside assistance through your insurance company (or AAA if you must, but AAA contractors tend to be incredibly unreliable). Car breakdowns are more frequent in the winter, you can slide off into the ditch, etc. Also, extreme cold can kill your car batteries overnight, and definitely if you leave town for a while.

You might do well to talk to a mechanic about special oil, wiper fluid, etc. for the winter.

Also, keep a kit in your car that consists, at a minimum, of:

• a shovel to dig out of the snow; and

• a brush + ice scraper to get snow and ice off your windshield (Those are sold at truck stops and the like.).

If you go out of town, you should also keep emergency survival supplies in your car to survive long enough for rescue to arrive. These include blankets, chemical hand warmers, food, water, and maybe flares, etc.

From a Canadian friend:

Keep a blanket or sleeping bag in your car at all times. If you skid off the road in a snowstorm, you can be waiting for hours for a tow. Cars get freezing cold in about half an hour. You can literally freeze to death in your car. So always dress for the weather (hat, gloves, winter coat) even if you don’t intend to spend time outside.

Snow on the windshield sucks, snow underneath your tires sucks worse.

You have a shovel in the car, right? I once had to shovel half of the University of Iowa College of Law’s faculty parking lot just to go home. There are also traction mats that you can try keeping the car to stick under your wheels to get that first bit of grip and then momentum to get out of a snowdrift. One of my midwestern friends claims that “a big piece of cardboard” can do the trick too.

• Midwestern Girlfriend adds: a bag of clay kitty litter. Shovel as much snow as possible and then put this stuff under your tires and apparently can give you some (badly needed) traction to get out of a snow mess.

Canadian friend again:

if you have trouble getting rolling on an icy surface, start your car in third gear (if standard) or using the special traction gear (if automatic–it might be called D1 or B or something). Don’t spin your wheels. It won’t help.

(Editorial note: personally, I’ve never seen the special traction gear, but maybe it’s only in Jeeps and such?)

From an Iowan friend:

If it’s forecast to sleet overnight or while you’re parked outside during the day, lift up your windshield wipers. Makes it much easier to chip off the sleet later.

(Editorial note: “sleet” is similar to “freezing rain” in that both are kinds of rain that are liquid-ish in the sky but freeze on surfaces they come into contact with. So the issue here is that you might well get a windshield encrusted with ice, and that’s bad.)

Remove as much accumulated snow as possible before driving the car, not just the areas of highest importance. Blowing snow off your moving vehicle is a driving hazard for others.

(Editorial note: there’s also a realism constraint here. It takes FOREVER to get snow off a car. The housing at the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton has wonderful central vacuum cleaners with big long hoses, and there’s a longstanding rumor that one day a physicist broke the whole system by getting impatient with the tortuous snow removal process and trying to vacuum it off.)

For Iowa City people, beware the city, which combines incompetence and outright malice whenever snow starts. Midwestern friend:

Iowa City likes to plow big snow berms into the middle of the street. Use extreme caution when trying to cross them on either foot or in vehicle. They are treacherous.

Also, if you park a bike outside, bring it inside at the first sight of snow, especially if it’s in a city bike rack. Once, an ex of mine had her bike stuck in a gigantic block of ice/snow all winter, thanks to Iowa City’s completely blithering municipal government deciding to plow a pile of snow directly on top of it. That, needless to say, was not a cheap repair when it melted.

Chicago, by contrast, seems to be actually competent with snow removal.

Money Matters

You’ll notice that many of the suggestions in here are fairly expensive. Some of this is the nature of the beast: people who blither on about the “low cost of living” around here conveniently forget about weather when they calculate all that stuff. At some point in around month 3 of living in Iowa I just threw up my hands and said “I’ll spend what I need to not freeze to death.”

That being said, I’m told there are more affordable options. I shared this guide with a dear friend who did her Ph.D. at Iowa, and she had some grad student budget suggestions, which I reproduce here:

A lot of stuff you mentioned is pretty expensive. For example Yaktrax–if you can swing it, sure, but you’re wearing boots without traction (which is a rookie move), I’d take a knife or scissors to the sole and scuff them up.

I’ve found that the most valuable resource of clothing fit for Iowa is people who are moving–they usually have good stuff that they think they won’t need again. Also, the thrift and consignment stores locally aren’t exactly fashion-forward, but they are filled with wools and good base fabric material. The consignment stores in Chicago (there’s a Crossroads and Buffalo Exchange across from each other in Wicker Park) are better.

Regarding O’Hare in the winter: the hostels are expensive ($20/night), but you’re closest bet to the airport is IHSP in Wicker Park.

My Canadian friend adds, regarding the cost of winter coats:

Also, don’t buy your winter coat in California. Wait until you get to Iowa, then have a local friend help you shop. The things that get passed off as winter coats in California or NYC really aren’t.

I have never paid more than $500 for a winter coat. Fortunately, the $500 ones last forever. Have your local friend take you to Marshall’s.

And Iowan friend:

Fleece-lined running leggings are amazing. I wear them on the -40 windchill days and I’m toasty. Waaaay better than actual pants. Probably also a great base layer under looser pants. TJ Maxx typically has lots in the under $20 range.

Budget coat options: Military Surplus is your friend! Cheap and engineered to not take shit from the weather. The surplus store in Coralville kinda sucks, though. Try to find vintage ones if possible for cheapness and a better look IMO. I got mine at Salvation Army.

Anyway, I wear a standard field jacket (M-65) with the button-in quilted liner. It does the job even on those stupid cold days. They are quite bulky and heavy and probably not suitable for very small-statured people. The downside to the M-65 is that it doesn’t have a real hood. There is a fold-out thin hood in the neck you can use in a pinch. You can buy a separate hood that buttons on.

Another option is the N-3B snorkel parka. These extremely warm– I tried one on in Artifacts on a fall day and immediately started sweating, they’re so warm– still really bulky. Some vintage ones have a raccoon-trimmed hood; more modern ones are fake fur.

Wigwam socks (make sure they’re wool or wool/poly blend) are cheap and very good and durable.

Surviving Spring

Fluctuating wildly between freezing and storming. If you hear a really loud “boom” it’s a thunderstorm, not a terrorist attack (probably). It can go from dry and sunny to 5 inches of water on the ground in about 10 minutes; in that same period it can also start dropping golfball style hail.

I once got caught out in the middle of nowhere on the freeway in one of those, and am alive today mainly because my windshield held. People tend to hide under freeway underpasses in this kind of situation, even though there are persistent rumors that tornadoes will suck you out from under them and slaughter you. So, probably don’t take long drives in the spring (or summer)? And, of course, long drives in the winter are deadly too, for above-noted reasons. Just stay home, let the murder come to you. Except in the fall. It’s more or less safe to leave the house in the fall.

Every Season: Don’t Trust the Sky

August 28 ought to be the most reliable time of year: at the cusp of summer and fall, it’s the most normal time for weather in the Midwest. In 2022, that day began as a beautiful clear day:

Yet to my surprise, just before taking that photo, I got a weather alert email claiming that there was a severe thunderstorm on the way:

What gives? Well, checking the radar screen of my weather app (TIP: the radar screen of your weather app is by far the most reliable way of getting a feel for when murder attempts are about to happen), I discovered a vicious line of murder:

That red line is basically sky chaos (I’ve never been able to figure out whether the color scheme means amount of rain or amount of wind or what, but it seems to do a decent job of tracking general death severity/chaos). Since big weather patterns tend to descend on Chicago from the west, that mfer looks to be about to hit me upside the head at some indeterminate point in the future. Unless it randomly dissipates before it gets here. Which it could! Who knows!

Pretty much the only solution I’ve ever been able to come up with for this is to have several seasons of clothing available wherever you are at all times, including something to fight off the rain.² If you drive everywhere, this need is slightly mitigated, but if you have the temerity to walk or (worse) bike away from home basically ever, regardless of what the weather seems like or what the forecast says before you leave, you must plan for the risk of a downpour, high winds, possibly even hail and tornadoes. (Unsurprisingly under those circumstances Uber surge pricing tends to kick in and it becomes very expensive to flee in a vehicle.)

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